7. Round One: Honesty is my new policy… what a novel idea, my darling…

 

Listening to Staind when you’re not feeling well really makes you just want to give up and go back to bed, so I’ve switched to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, which is better.

So I know that if I was doing anything else I would have given up and just decided to do nothing for the day until I feel better, but because I’m doing something that is to do with writing I’m pushing myself forward despite how I am feeling physically. I don’t want to stop until I literally can’t lift my head.

So this is round one of an attack I’m launching on the publishing world… or maybe round one is the wrong way to put it… it’s the first wave, that sound more war like.

I was on some guys website reading about how to be your own agent and the only real advice he could give was ignore the ‘no unsolicited submissions’ because it doesn’t hurt to just send them something anyway. I get his point but doesn’t that also just annoy them, its like when people have that note on their letterbox saying no junk mail and someone shoves something in their anyway… why would I want to annoy a publisher who would be doing ME a service by ignoring their policies? Talk about a bad way to introduce yourself, ‘I’m so arrogant and think I’m so good that I ignore your policy because I can’t follow the simplest of instructions and I didn’t even bother to read up on them.’ Not a good start to any relationship, let alone a business one. But that’s just my opinion. His opinion sounds like job interview advice I once got. This woman said to me: “Don’t be afraid to be corny, if it works you’ve got the job, if it doesn’t you’ll probably never see that person again.” As far as advice goes, its advice… it certainly is advice.

So the first wave consist of going through all the books I have upstairs, well not all, the fiction books and making a list of the publishers. I will then do a little research on each and send some pleading enquiry letters to the ones that are open to it.

The second wave is to do the same with the books downstairs, which may take me a lot longer so it may be the third wave.

The third or second wave is to comb through the Writers’ and Artists’ Year Book 2013 and see what publishers I can also send stuff to.

You may be thinking: ‘Why is she doing this now, and not at the start of this book?’

Well, I have done this before, not the going through the books I own part, but the year book part definitely. I did it in 2010 and 2009 and I will tell you a secret, although these yearbooks are about a thick as a bible, at times there may only be a handful of fiction publishers that are willing to take unsolicited submissions and usually those publishers are so small that they get overwhelmed with the amount of submissions because they’re picking up the slack of all the publishers that refuse to take unsolicited submissions. So the year book itself gives the advice of getting an agent, then that agent can send your stuff to all the ones in the book that weren’t open to you before. It then provides you with an extensive list of agents, none of whom are willing to work for free because who is. So from this information, you can guess why theirs a gap between 2010 and now. It gets disheartening.

It has occurred to me on many an occasion that perhaps I am simply no good and should give up, concentrate on getting a job stacking shelves in a supermarket, it’s kind of like an ideal job for me, getting paid to organise… I have mild OCD.

But then I think, maybe I just haven’t tried hard enough; I get disheartened, retreat into my own little world and give up. So this is me, trying the hardest I ever have and if I still get nowhere, then I’ll know.

I have had three previous offers to publish Amen but they were from vanity publishers and wanted the amount of money you could buy a house with. These publishers were recommended to me by various people who I guess didn’t know they would say ‘yes’, then ask for a three bedroom semi-detached.

I felt bad saying no to them though, the made it seem like they were doing me a favour and that I was being ungrateful, and maybe I was. Maybe I really am just not good enough to be published and they would have been doing me a favour… I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

So, there was a bit of a snag with my planning, which is a little ironic considering my early rant about how planning sucks, it’s like someone’s trying to tell me something.

This is what happened. I said I wasn’t going to stop just because I wasn’t feeling well. I stopped. And ended up at the doctors where I was informed that after about twelve years, my asthma has come back. Then, three days after that I end up back at the doctors where I’m told I have a chest infection. Now I’ve been told that if the condition doesn’t improve by Monday and the amoxicillin doesn’t work, I’m going to be sent to the hospital for a chest x-ray. I have never had a chest infection before. When we were kids and my sister and her friends and all my friends were getting them, I never got it. Why now? Is it because I made a plan? Are all my plans doomed to fail? Is my own health now conspiring against me?

So, I’ve been knocked off my stride. I was on a roll and now… I don’t know, it’s like the wind has been knocked out of my sails, quite literally as that oddly sounding metaphor might suggest.

Biscuits.

That’s what I need, that’s what will give me the will to get back on my feet and march forward once more. Apron. Check. Butter. Check. Flour. Check. Sugar. Check. Egg. Check.

I’ll be back in about an hour and no, you can’t have some. How am I going to get them to you?

Actually, maybe I’ll just give you the recipe instead.

Stay tuned.