32. Rule No.1 – Forget the Past, it’s time to move on.

 

It’s 2015.

February. The 12^th.

I’m 29.

My family have turned their backs on me.

All I have now is my mum and my sister.

And also, I’m still here.

 

I had a breakdown. My mum had an accident, hurt her knee really badly, and it all just got too much for me. I had an outburst. My aunt got so mad at me that she told everyone, well I don’t know what she told everyone but they all stopped talking to me.

I tried to kill myself. My mum told them. None of them cared.

I tried to apologise for the things I said. None of them cared.

At least now I know how they really feel about me. I’m sure they probably think the same about me.

I’m on anti-depressants and trying to start again, with my life that is. It’s difficult, trying to start again at the age of twenty nine, I feel like I should be something by now not… I don’t know. I’m not the person I was before, I know that, that person doesn’t exist anymore, now I have to figure out who I am, what I want. I wish someone could just tell me: ‘This is who you are now. This is what you’re supposed to be doing.’ There’s just too much.

My family are saying that they’ll start talking to me again if I apologise to them. I won’t. It’s not that I’m not sorry, I am, it’s just that it’s gotten beyond that now. I don’t care about them anymore. I needed help and they were gone and now I just don’t care. I care about the people that were there for me and supported me, my mum, my sister, my mum’s friends, our neighbours, but not them.

So…

Where do I start?